“Promise me you will pray for strength and endurance for what lies ahead, not that God will heal your child.” In September, 1984, as he held our 11th month old infant son, Robbie, the late Father Martin D. Gable of St. Martin’s In The Field Episcopal Church gave the very best advice to a young mother grieving over her severely handicapped child’s diagnosis of brain damage and cerebral palsy.

During my pregnancy my husband, Bob, and I had decided that I would make every attempt to stay at home with our first born child as long as possible. Sometime after the first four months, we began to notice that our baby was not developing according to the charts of activity considered “normal” for newborns. He wasn’t trying to roll over or bear weight on his legs or maintain eye contact. Our pediatrician simply diagnosed this as “developmental delay” and told us we would have to just “wait and see” regarding further development.

As Robbie approached nine months of age, we both knew something was wrong, and consulted one of then four pediatric neurologists in the Atlanta area. Sadly the CAT scan results revealed that our son apparently suffered oxygen deprivation sometime in the last trimester or just before delivery, and 80% of his brain was damaged. Of course we wanted a second opinion and consulted a specialist at Emory University. Genetic testing revealed that our son’s chromosomes were certainly in the normal range, and the physician subsequently diagnosed severe mental impairment and cerebral palsy by rudely stating, “Don’t expect this child to walk across a high school stage and receive a diploma in 12 years, ‘cause it just isn’t gonna happen.” As we left devastated with me sobbing uncontrollably, I recall lying awake in bed all night believing that any chance for future happiness was over. Months of depression, extreme weight loss, despair, anger at God, the universe, doctors, and envy of anyone with a “normal” baby followed. Life was hardly worth living, and I could barely function. Counseling helped somewhat, but only for a short term.

Our pediatric neurologist reached out and suggested we enroll our baby in an infant stimulation, early intervention program, located in a facility for handicapped adults, where Robbie could receive daily physical, speech and occupational therapy. The social workers connected with the program put us in touch with a parent-to-parent mother dedicated to helping moms with handicapped babies cope with their new lives and child. One social worker in the program noticed my continued severe depression and consulted with me one afternoon. When I explained how I did not feel I was capable of raising a handicapped child, she kindly advised me about options, and knew of a family in Minnesota who welcomed disabled children into its household. Later that evening, as I walked into the door with our baby son, I excitedly told my husband that I had found a “solution” to my continued depression – we would simply put Robbie up for adoption!

I believed with all my heart that on my wedding day – January 31, 1981 – I had married the “best and the brightest” and the “love of my life”. What I didn’t realize, though, was that the good Lord had also provided me with a rock of strength. I watched the shocked look evaporate from Bob Howard’s face and saw it turn into kindness and compassion. He quietly sat me down and calmly explained: “I know this has been difficult for you, and that we have only been married two short years. I know this was not part of your life’s plan or dreams. However, I can’t put my son up for adoption. You can have half of all of our assets, leave us and start your life over. I will raise Robbie on my own.” As I sobbed, claiming I didn’t have enough strength and courage to raise a handicapped child after observing the handicapped children and adults at the center – that I was clearly not prepared to change diapers on a teenager -- Bob altered our lives and our future by calmly stating, “Don’t worry – I have strength and courage enough for both of us. Trust me – we can do this.”

We attended parent support classes in the evening sponsored by the social workers and instructors connected with Robbie’s infant stimulation program. After noticing that the majority of the parent attendees were mothers, we learned in 80% of families with handicapped children, the marriage usually ends in divorce with an absent father. Years later I reflected on this statistic and again was reminded of my two “rocks” – my husband and God.

Fast forward to the present – Bob and I are now contented “empty nesters” who recently celebrated our 26th wedding anniversary. We are happily looking forward to retirement in the future as we renovate our Peachtree Corners cluster home located in Forest Hills. Robbie is thriving at a wonderful group home in Snellville, and he and his three roommates receive wonderful care from United Cerebral Palsy. Our second child is about to enter his junior year at Georgia College & State University where he has maintained the Georgia Hope scholarship for the past four semesters.

How did we deal with the extreme challenges – emotional, physical and financial -- of raising a handicapped child who could not walk and talk along with another child – and both work full time outside the home? It’s amazing as I reflect back on all the answered prayers, a supportive husband, a wise family doctor, a wonderful school system, great friends in the church and community, the Parent-To-Parent United Way organization and United Cerebral Palsy. Thankfully early on my parent-to-parent supporting mom advised me to live one day at a time and then later focus on one school year at a time, but also recommended some future planning with the State of Georgia.

Since Robbie was in his infant/toddler stimulation therapy program almost six hours a day, our family physician suggested that I return to work as a legal secretary/executive assistant to help me deal with my depression, as he adamantly believed that I needed to focus on something else and experience a “normal” day. We were blessed to be able to locate good child care facilities for two hours after school, and as Robbie entered the Hi Hope Preschool Program in Lawrenceville, life became easier as we saw him make progress and acquire some skills. We forced ourselves, though, to remain in touch with reality, as we were advised that Robbie’s extensive brain damage would more than likely keep him at a functional mental age of 18 months for the remainder of his life. As Robbie approached his third birthday, we were thrilled to learn that he would have a sibling, but sadly our baby died in the fourth month of pregnancy. I guarded against recurring depression and refused to be treated with medication – all I wanted was a healthy baby – one that could simply walk and talk. In May, 1987 we were blessed with a healthy son. He could not only walk and talk – years later we discovered he was blessed with great vocal chords! Those of you in the community who attended Norcross High School’s 2005 production of the musical, “Footloose”, probably remember Robbie’s younger brother, Scott Howard, in the role of “Reverend Shaw Moore.”

Bob kept his promise of strength and courage and was always available to assist with the boys’ doctor’s appointments, to pick up a sick child at school, and took vacation time from work during the school winter break to care for the children. There are also so many people we are grateful to who helped us along the road growing into a family with a handicapped child rather than functioning as a handicapped family. In addition to being grateful to the supportive staff at North Fulton Training Center and Hi Hope School, we applaud the Gwinnett County School System and the way in which it deals with students with special needs and their families. We were very pleased with the teachers and staff at Oakland Center, and offer a special thank you to Mike Weinroth and Maureen Klesmer. A special thank you to Peachtree Corners Learning Center and Faith Life Church for agreeing to care for a handicapped youngster in a wheelchair for a few hours after school. Friends and staff from Simpsonwood Methodist Church, as well as Norcross First United Methodist Church and Mount Carmel Methodist Church were extremely supportive, and Christ Church Episcopal continues to nurture our family.

At the age of six, I listed Robbie on the state waiting list to receive state assistance since he was diagnosed with a disability so early in life. We were advised by numerous professionals in the special needs area that the waiting list for state assistance and future group home placement as an adult was over ten years! The good Lord was watching over our family as we were able to continually locate nursing students and special education student teachers to live with us to help with childcare during the early stressful years until Robbie’s name was finally reached on the State of Georgia’s Medicaid Waiver Waiting List. When he turned 16, we were notified that Robbie was eligible for assistance, and that the family qualified for forty hours of in-home respite care weekly when Robbie was not in school. United Cerebral Palsy changed our lives by helping us care for our son at home until he was 21, and this organization continues to provide wonderful care for Robbie and his roommates at his group home in Snellville, as well as supervising activities at UCP’s day habilitation center.

Numerous individuals touched our lifes with love and compasssion. The late Dorothy Miller, a former nun who created the Elaine Clark Center for Handicapped Children in Chamblee, was indeed an inspiration. I attended one of her seminars when Robbie was a toddler and was amazed and enlightened as I watched her slideshow featuring the eleven special needs children she adopted and raised as a single mom! Cheri Nix, Sheryl Crum, Von Collins, Esther Sherberger, Sheila Trentini, Mary Lawder, Deborah Valentine, Marcia Sasser, Maria Licata, Beth Sanders, Jan Schmidt, Carol Clair, Elizabeth Williams and John and Patti Jo Bach occupy a special place in my heart, as they truly understood our family’s fears and concerns, and also Sherry and Keith Duncan who graciously include Robbie in numerous family holiday gatherings. Robbie’s last teacher at Oakland Center, Mary Roche, provided much love and support. I would be remiss if I didn’t also extend a warm thank you to Congressman Tom Rice for his continued empathy and support of those with special needs in the State of Georgia. My brother, Eric Plummer, and his wife, Amy, have been extremely supportive and involved in the lives of our sons. I again have to pay special tribute to my “rock” of a husband, Bob Howard, and finally, to the good Lord for always coming through.

Not a day goes by when I’m not reminded of the advice given by Father Gable so long ago, and I also reflect on the words of a wonderful spiritual hymn that Scott sang while on choir tour with Norcross First United Methodist Youth: “HE NEVER FAILED ME YET”:

I will sing of God’s mercy, every day, every hour, He gives me power. I will sing and give thanks to Thee for all the dangers, toils and snares that He has brought me out. He is my God and I’ll serve Him, No matter what the test. Trust and never doubt, Jesus will surely bring you out. He Never Failed Me Yet.